The Motherhood Journey

Inspired by this post at Mum in the Making, I decided to pen down my own motherhood journey.

Nearly 5 years ago Ally made her entrance into the world, she was LOUD from day 1. I remember looking at her and not really feeling that instant bond which so many mothers describe. I think the epidural had a part to play in that. They whisked her away to the special care nursery after she was unable to feed. I couldn’t see her for the first 12 hours and it was only then did I realise something within me had changed. I loved that tiny little baby, it was the kind of love that I’ve never experienced before. At that moment I would have given my life for her, that was the moment I think I became a mom.

Due to Ally’s various medical issues, I read and researched as much as I could. While I trusted her doctors, I needed to be informed so that I could be her best advocate. I’m sure I’ve rubbed a few nurses and doctors the wrong way but I would do it all over again for the sake of my child.

Almost two years later, Max came along. Before his arrival, I had a few panic attacks, how would I cope with two young children? Would Ally be jealous? Am I depriving Ally of my attention? All these questions ran through my mind , I remember crying to Matt on several occasions ( this I blame on hormones) . Matt gave me the best piece of advice ever , ” don’t worry about things beyond your control, just take each day at a time”

And you know what? Once Max arrived, he blended so well into our family. It did help that he was such an easy going baby, happy to sit in his chair and watch the world go by. What a difference from Ally! And so I became a mom of two children under the age of 3. The first few months were difficult, trying to find time for each child, trying to put both children down for naps at the same time so I could nap as well…etc.

Now we had a girl and a boy, to most it seemed like we had the perfect family. As I watched the kids, I still felt something was missing. 2 1/2 years later, along came Luke! Once again I had the same panic attacks before he was born, once again I had those crying sessions with Matt. ( hormones I tell you!) My dear husband was so confident that all would be fine, that we would somehow cope with 3 kids under 5, that we weren’t in over our heads.

What has being a mom of 3 taught me? In one word, ” Simplify” . I don’t have the time to cook elaborate meals, my children aren’t attending enrichment classes everyday. I’ve learned that for everyone’s benefit and my sanity, we had to keep things simple. This means a daily routine for all of us, nothing is set in stone but our days are more or less the same. The children know what to expect, I’m not running around like a headless chicken and all of us are well rested.

People ask me ” how do you do it without any hired help?” or they make comments like ” you’re a super mom!” The truth is I’m far from that. I’m still learning everyday and I still feel like I am falling short most days. I’m very lucky to have an amazing hands on husband and an extended family of grandparents and uncles/aunts who are willing to help and who love my children as much as I do.

As MamaJ put it, it really is a roller coaster ride, one that I’m very thankful to be on. The children have shown me that I have a huge capacity to love , they have taught me beauty in simplicity and most importantly they have made me a mom.

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